What do you do when, you ex bff whom you reconciled with after many years of her not giving a f**k about you and to whom you decided to make amends, invites you to go to the movies – idea to which you say yes and wait for her to say when as she is busy with her job – and bails on you with the date, you then call her, state another week rather than the one you were supposed to actually go out on, then she bails again? Do you still try? Do you still care enough for trying?
I know this may be childish and stupid, and that I should call to see what is going on, but I am a bit tired of always being the one trying. Am I really not worth being tried for?
I have known her since high school. The only reason I befriended her is because she looked like a famous actress from a very famous TV Show, later on starting to like her personality. Little did I know I was about to get in an emotional adventure.
Not only that she has her head in the clouds, but she says one thing after another, not sticking to any of it.
Our “break” started after she bailed on me when I mostly needed her. The rest of the bails I could easily get over, but this one stuck with me, especially as I was being beyond depressed and basically, in an emotional ditch.
I had just gotten dumped by my boyfriend at the time, and I really needed her. So, not having anyone else to vent to, I called her as we were always going out and talking. She said yes. I told her a time and such ( it was happening the next day) and then, on my way to downtown ( and I live one hour and a half away from the main town) I call her eager to meet her and there it was….” I am on my way outside town with my parents, going to visit my grandma. Sorry, I forgot we were meeting” … Like….wow….just….That was my reaction. First time I was ever in this shock. And again, it may seem stupid, but to me she was all I had left in terms of people to talk to.
I said ok and hung up. And that was it. I went to eat something alone and then went home pretending nothing happened. But I never spoke to her since. Until few months ago. I thought I grew a bit more, I have a beyond loving boyfriend now and I wanted to act mature and be the one to make the first step. So I did. It felt good. It really did! So we talked, we went out and it was good. But she was still doing the “head in the clouds” thing, still stating one thing and then doing the opposite, even my boyfriend noticed, which means that I am not crazy.
And maybe it was a meaningless issue and I took it too personal or in a bad way…But if you were me at the time, you would have understood the pain. And having no friends does not help. May be my fault, may it not be, but these things, no matter how small, they do hurt.
So I am done trying. I tried to please people my whole life. And I received no gratitude back. That is all I needed. Someone to look for me and not wait for me to look for them. Someone to call me and see how I was doing and not wait for me to be the one to make that step. I just wish people were more considerate. I am more than aware that the world does not revolve around me, but I wish, just for once, I was being sought for. It would have been nice